The Man Behind The Monster
by lauramariadavis
Summary: Takes place in 3x02: Klaus has just killed the Hybrids and is now sat around the camp fire. "Somebody wanted me to experience so much pain and suffering that pain and suffering would be all I knew."


_This is just what I think Klaus may have been thinking about after he had killed the Hybrids in 3x02. Takes place before Stefan has entered with a dead Ray; Klaus is sat on the log by the fire with a bottle of beer. Enjoy! R&R._

_P.S. listen to Echo by Jason Walker whilst you read it for a better effect :)_

...

Chaos and darkness surrounds me. The camp is silent, the fire is dying away and dead bodies of my attempted hybrids are scattered across the damp, leaf covered ground.

Chaos and darkness _always_ surrounds me. I rejoice in it. I am addicted to what I have become. I am the most powerful man on Earth. I can do whatever I want and I am bound to win every fight I get in to. I like to fight; you do not need to think when you fight. It is as if you are flipping a switch that turns your thoughts and emotions off.

Ah, the switch. I _thrived_ off of that switch for the first 200 years of my Vampire life. I could do anything I wanted and I did not have to feel guilty about it. I killed, I seeked revenge; I became _determined_ to become what I am today – to break the curse and become a Hybrid. A Vampire and a Werewolf. I wanted to break that curse _so_ badly... Whether it was to reveal my Werewolf side or to get revenge on those witches I do not know. They killed Charlotte: I had to go against what they had forced me in to. Becoming what I am was supposed to make me feel better; fulfilled.

I feel no better than I did whilst I was merely a Vampire.

Of course, I do_ feel_ different. My sense of smell, touch, sight, sound and taste has increased to unimaginable levels. My strength is supreme – I can knock down a fully grown tree with a flick of my finger. My emotions, though... I was not prepared for the emotional torture the change would bring. My emotions were already magnified beyond human imagination once I became a Vampire. Now I am a Hybrid they have been heightened again. Now I can _really_ feel. I can really hurt and I can really love... But I do not want to. I did not want these emotions; I want the switch. I want to turn all of my emotions off and just kill because this loneliness that has tortured me for far too long is agonizing. It _hurts_ and I do not know how to stop it.

_Love._ Love is something I have not felt since I was a human and the idea that I could have loved even stronger if _she_ was still here haunts me through my waking moments and whilst I dream. The pain that her death created is _always_ there. The horrible feeling of been betrayed by my own family is _always_ there. Charlotte was always so accepting – when my family had been turned in to Original Vampire's she had accepted it – accepted me. She did not scream and she did not run... She took my face in her hands whilst I was sat torturing myself over the fact that I was now a monster. She comforted me, saying: _"It does not and will never change the way I feel about you, Niklaus. I love you no matter what. You could never be a monster in my eyes."_

Petrova women. Her doppelgangers are just like her. They are all sirens; beautiful, compassionate sirens. Katerina cared once but I ended that. It is my fault that she no longer cares... Or pretends not to, anyway. We are alike in so many ways. Not accepted, frowned upon; classed as monsters. But I hate Katerina; she will be dead soon enough. Katerina and Elena could have _any _man they wanted: Just like Charlotte. I would not say yes to Katerina but Elena... Sweet Elena was just as mesmerising as Charlotte had been. She looked slightly different with straight, shorter hair but she was the same. Innocent, strong. Perfect.

And then I killed her.

In all honesty it felt like Charlotte was dying all over again. She had looked so beautiful. Elena's last words were "go to hell," but she made them sound so _heavenly_. I had been watching Elena for quite some time before the ritual. I had felt compelled; in that moment I even considered keeping her alive and waiting for the next one... But at the end of the day both of them have reminded me of Charlotte and every single doppelganger that came along would, too. I was still so very determined and angry when I had met Katerina to even enjoy my time with her; but I enjoyed my time with Elena.

And there is Elijah, of course; the brother who was supposed to marry Charlotte. I was so close to Elijah until Charlotte entered my life. I think he stayed loyal to me after her death because he felt guilty about what her death had done to me. I still do not understand why he felt guilt about her death; he played no part in it. He would have never killed her. He loved her just as much as I did... Or maybe a little less. No man could have loved or will ever love a woman as passionately as I.

I should not torture myself with these memories but they play a significant part in all of this. I want someone who will care for me. If I could pray I would beg the Lord for forgiveness and ask him to send me someone who will have the fire and compassion of Charlotte, the loyalty and love of Elijah and the persistence inside of me. I would ask him to help me discover why I cannot create my own breed... And why he feels like I have deserved to be punished since birth. It is not my fault I was born with the Werewolf gene or that my Mother was unfaithful. I did not ask for this; I would have been content to live as a human and die with my Charlotte.

But life does not work like that, does it? Somebody did not want me to die. Somebody wanted me to experience so much pain and suffering that pain and suffering would be all I knew. They wanted me to hate; they turned me in to a demonic, unlovable monster. Whoever did this must have hated me more than my Father did... I would not wish my life upon anyone. My life is a hellish downward spiral that I cannot break out of because my past will always haunt me. My past will always cause me to make the wrong choices. An eternity of power yet an eternity of pain and sadness.

Will somebody _please_ save and resurrect my humanity? Is it _really_ too late?


End file.
